AMPS, chapters 14–20: Elf's dream comes true...

This is the final installment of my AMPS blog (and my blogging in general)! The book has finally drawn to a close, and as we all know, Elf ends up dead. But let's go back a little further.

This section is actually actually has more than one death in it... It starts off with aunt Tina dying in the hospital. Yoli describes the situation by saying, "[a]t first everything was going well, very well, [...] [b]ut then her organs started to fail one by one and even though the doctors and nurses attempted to save her they failed too and in the end we lost Tina" (241). In retrospect, in kind of seems like this alludes to Elf's death as well. When Elf was younger, everything was looking great for her! She was daring and smart and a piano prodigy travelling the world for God's sake! But slowly, she kind of withered, and day by day she grew even more sad until she just couldn't take it anymore... and we all know what happened then...

Yoli wants to bring Elf down to Toronto with her for a little while to take her mind off things and let her relax for some time, and everyone is on board. But first, Yoli needs to go to Vancouver for Tina's funeral. She practically begs the hospital staff not to let Elf leave under any circumstances, but they did... Elf convinces them to let her go home for a while, and one day, when Nic is out getting library books for Elf, she leaves the house and kills herself (sorry to be so blunt). But to be fair, even though Elf may usually manage to keep a cool exterior, she was probably a bit more like this on the inside:

(Source: Dexter GIF. Digital image. Giphy. N.p., 21 Jun. 2016. Web. 18 May 2017.)

She dies just like her father, by getting hit by a train (maybe he had more influence on her than I thought, which Yoli suggests when she says, "[w]here does the violence go, if not directly back into our blood and bones?" (271)). This really has to say something about Elf's character. Through her repeated suicide attempts, it really doesn't seem like she's all that scared to die alone as she says, and it also doesn't seem like she cares much to go to Switzerland. Being euthanized sounds like a pretty peaceful death if you ask me, but all of Elf's previous attempts have been... well... not so nice... From a slow death by starvation to slitting her wrists and drinking bleach to getting hit by a train! These all seem prettyyyyy scary if you ask me...Does she enjoy it? In a way, it kind of just appears to be a way of seeking attention. Try to kill yourself in the most painful and violent way possible, right? But who knows, maybe her choices were decided by sheer convenience, or maybe she even thought she deserved it... Any insight as to why she selected the methods of suicide that she did? If you want an actual scientific answer, you can check out this article from Harvard.

I feel like Yoli thinks she didn't do enough to try and save her sister. She even briefly gets jealous of Elf's "other sisters" (fictional book characters) because it seems they helped Elf more than Yoli ever had.

When Elf dies, she leaves some money for Yoli, which Yoli then decided to use to buy a house (well if you could really call it that...). In the house, "[t]he walls are cracked, or missing or crumbling, the floors are wrecked, the stairs, every set of them, are broken, the bricks are disintegrating into red powder that floats around the house like volcanic ash and gets into your eyes and mouth, the roof needs replacing, the foundation is full of holes, the yard is overrun with weds, and skunks live under the deck" (275). The house is crumbling around them, yet it kind of represents a new start for Yoli, her mom, and Nora. The house represents the culture and oppression they're surrounded by, being Mennonite, but they're fixing it up and taking charge of their future! To look on the bright side, now that Eld is dead, Yoli can focus more on herself and raising Nora and Will rather than just being concerned with Elf... she even stops sleeping around with random guys!

Yoli goes to a café with one of her friends who claims that "'to die by one's own hand' is always a sin. Always. Because of the suffering it causes the survivors" (277). This is something I would definitely like to hear some opinions on! I guess it may be a religious thing, and with my sense of religion and spirituality being almost nonexistent, I totally say I would disagree with this statement (if you couldn't already assume that from my previous blog posts). Not to be a downer (yet again) but personally I think there can be situations in which death isn't completely unreasonable.

(Source: A&E GIF. Digital image. Giphy. N.p., 18 Feb. 2016. Web. 18 May 2017.)

So they move into the house and start a new chapter in their lives. They all seem to be moving on, Yoli's mom even starts dating, but all of a sudden, she begins to cry when she watches a video of a bird flying away, once again being reminded of Elf. Yoli even writes one final letter to her dead sister telling her how she's doing!

(Source: Norman GIF. Digital image. Giphy. N.p., 18 Feb. 2016. Web. 18 May 2017.)

Now, we can sit around and wish Elf's life was more like this:

(Source: Finding a Reason to Stay. Dir. BuzzFeed. Youtube. N.p., 4 Sept. 2016. Web. 18 May 2017.)

Or we can accept the book for what it is: the truth. This is what happened to Toews's own sister and to tons of other people too. Things don't always work out, and we need to accept that. Overall, I would say I liked the book, but it's not one of my favourites. I liked how it bluntly discusses a topic people tend to avoid. I think it's important to face the facts sometimes, or else how can we really solve anything? But I felt like, through the whole book, I was just waiting for something that never came. Some big revelation or epiphany... I was hopeful, but I didn't really get much out of it, personally. It talks a lot of about the symptoms and after-effects of Elf's depression, but doesn't really dig deep into the cause. Overall, I would recommend the book if you're looking for a relatively easy read, but it doesn't measure up to The Catcher in the Rye :P.

And now, of course, time for a cupcake! This week my recommendation is a delicious mint chocolate (dark chocolate, obviously) with mint crème filling! It's deep and rich, just like the story of Elf's tragic life, but has a nice refreshing finish with the mint. Just like how, after Elf dies, Yoli starts fresh with the people closest to her.

Well I hope you all enjoyed my blog! (Try not to miss the cupcakes too much). I hope you got something out of it because I actually enjoyed writing it! Looking forward to seeing the final comments and thoughts on my blog and AMPS :).